Popcorn Ceilings: A Contributing Factor to the Downfall of the Human Race

Column by J1 Reporter Sydney Schroeder

Syd’s Shenanigans

Let’s face it, there is no worse feeling than falling asleep and looking up and seeing a highly lumptious and ugly monster. Let’s make this even scarier with two words. Popcorn. Ceiling. Yes! You heard me right. From their ugly lumptious texture, easy to spot discoloration, and probably unsanitary crevices(who even knows what dust hides up there) there are so many things wrong with popcorn ceilings. 

The ugly lumptious texture these ceilings are composed of are without a doubt nightmare fuel. You look up and see a white or brown ceiling with chicken pox. And I hate to be the one to break it to everyone, but chickenpox is not a sexy thing to look at. 

In fact they were popular in the 1970s for the sole reason of hiding imperfections and stifling noise. Funny, the thing meant to hide imperfections became a major imperfection itself. 

How on this earth could anyone look at a popcorn ceiling and get the utmost feeling of satisfaction. The chunks protruding out of the interior cause an unsettling feeling in most people because most people are well… people. It is a very human and natural thing to hate the appearance of popcorn ceilings. And don’t even get me started on discoloration. 

Every little hump, lump or bump is a different color and that doesn’t sit right with me. It doesn’t sit right with the “aesthetic queens” of social media, it doesn’t sit right with the producers of the iconic show “Flip or Flop” (I love you Joanna Gaines), and it certainly doesn’t sit right with our human dignity.

It is time that we embrace our human nature in acceptance with the hatred of popcorn ceilings. It is totally normal to be haunted by these anomalies since they aren’t of this earth and therefore shouldn’t be within human reach.

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