Stuck in your thoughts: A talk about mental health under quarantine

Opinion by SophieStevens

Corona 2020 is never something I personally thought I would be going through. Well, really, nobody did. A global pandemic never seemed to be something I would have to worry about. It seemed surreal to have to stay in my house all the time and wear a mask around even my closest people. 

Being isolated from my best friends, school and sports was devastating. I am always on the go, and never really allow myself time to think about much of  anything. Going from never being able to stop and think, then all of sudden, being stuck with your thoughts was not a good feeling. 

In July of 2019, I lost my sister, and thinking about it seemed like the worst thing. After she passed away, school started, and it felt like my life was back to normal. Obviously nothing was normal about it, but it gave me some time to grieve and not think about only her. 

Sophie Stevens is pictured with Macy at the hopsital on the day aftet their little sister, Mia, was born.

She was a huge light in my life, so it was hard to have to begin a new normal. School and sports were a get-away from myself, and helped me not be consumed in my thoughts. Therefore, going into self-isolation about 8 months after she passed away did not seem like the best idea for my mental health. 

My sister, Macy was born with a serious heart condition and had three open heart surgerys in the first three years of her life. When she was 10 years old, she had a heart transplant and had to live in St. Louis for four months. After Macy’s heart transplant, she recovered in about three weeks and was right back to the regular life she was used to living. 

The week before Macy passed away, my family and I were in Greece. Macy started to catch a cold, and for Macy, a cold could mean heart failure. When arriving back in Omaha on July 1, Macy and I drove together to the hospital. This is the last moment I remember talking to her as the Macy that I knew her as. We got to the hospital and the doctors started to run tests, hoping that it was just a regular cold. 

Macy did not have a cold, and was going into heart failure. She was in the hospital for approximately 11 days before she passed away with our family and friends around her. Macy was a strong, light hearted, loving and sassy girl. She never let the big things get to her and lived the life I strive to live. 

Going into quarantine for me was something that seemed horrible, but in the long run it forced me to think of the things I needed to. Continually not having to think about my sister was not good, and I needed closure.

Coronavirus, for me, was a time of healing and growth. A time to sit back and think; think about the good and the bad times I had with Macy. It was a time to sit in her room and not hold in my emotions because other people were around. She will always be a big part of my life, and continuing life without her still doesn’t feel real. But for now, I have a sense of closure, and I am grateful I was given time to heal. 

These last six months of quarantine made me realize how much time is limited. It showed me that the 15 years of my life that I had with Macy were taken for granted. I never thought I would lose Macy, and losing my sister opened my eyes. I realized that every day is a blessing and to be grateful for every day and every person in our lives.

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