Ladies, do me a favor. Next time you’re out on the town and find yourself wearing a nice pair of jeans, try to fit your hand in your pocket. Yeah. Odds are, you won’t make it past your middle knuckle before you have to uncomfortably scrunch your hands up and leave your thumbs hanging over the front like an old cowboy from the Wild West. What could you possibly fit in there? Not a whole lot, maybe a speck of dust or a crumb on a good day.
Dear reader, let me take you back to a time when everything made sense.
Sophomore year. State volleyball. I was presented with, no, blessed with, the opportunity to wear my friend’s younger brother’s cargos for the frat theme. What started out as simply showing my school spirit quickly turned into an unparalleled epiphany. How could I fit my wallet, my phone, my keys, my water bottle, a ruler and my lunch in my pockets? All while still having plenty of room left over? And why are these cargos more comfortable than my pajamas?
Naturally, instead of watching the volleyball game, and even afterwards while I was at my house, I tried to fit various things in my pockets. I had a pocket for every need and every mood. A hair brush? No problem. A 32 oz. water bottle? Piece of cake. Three hamburgers from Freddy’s and two sides of fries? That was the reason my friends and I didn’t end up having to buy $6 sodas and $12 burgers from the Bob Devaney Center in Lincoln. At one point I was even able to fit an iPad keyboard in one of the side pockets.
So why can I fit the entire solar system in men’s pockets, but getting a single dime into my own jean pockets is such a struggle? I’m looking for more than just a “sometimes it be like that” answer here.
If anything, women deserve more spacious pockets. I’m sick and tired of losing my keys everywhere I go because I can’t fit them in my pocket. I shouldn’t have to carry a purse to keep track of my phone, my keys and my strawberry sugar wafers.
A popular (yet entirely unreasonable) opinion I keep hearing among dudes is that men can’t carry purses. They argue that boys have no other way to carry their things around other than in their pockets. To this, I have one comment.
It’s 2016. Men can carry handbags. And satchels. And murses.
Another slice of grade-A, pasture-raised, grass-fed, ground beef I have with women’s jeans is the issue of fake pockets. More than once, I’ve been swindled into buying a pair of jeans and worn them out on a Friday night, tried to fit something in said pocket and came to the earth-shattering realization that I didn’t have pockets at all. TRIGGERED. For the rest of the night, I’m doomed to walk around in paralyzing fear, worrying about whether I still have all of my belongings.
So how has this pocket injustice gone unnoticed for so long? One of the most consistent answers I keep hearing as to why women have smaller pockets is because large, spacious pockets have a tendency to not look as ‘cute’ and ‘stylish’ as most clothing companies would prefer.
Cute? Really? I’m pretty sure if my phone falls out of my pocket because my pocket isn’t deep enough, the meltdown I’ll have when I look at my shattered screen is going to be a little less than cute.
Some people say that you might have to sacrifice comfort and practicality for the sake of fashion. But who says long pockets can’t be stylish? I guarantee you, if flare jeans were once a trend, practical, functioning pockets can become one.
A message to women’s clothing lines: don’t make me resort to vests. Or suit jackets. I’ve seen the pocket action going on there, and I’m jealous.
I’m sure the masterminds behind cargos wouldn’t mind sharing with us how they accomplished to pair practicality with comfort and style.
I’m not messing around here people, the fight for pocket equality starts now, and it starts with us.