J1 Column by Hailie Rydel
I moved to the arctic tundra that is Nebraska about three years ago from heaven on earth. Which is better known as Texas to all y’all foreigners.
Why we moved back? I couldn’t tell ya. Texas has everything. Why go to Boston, China, Cleveland, Paris? There is no need to leave the great state of Texas to visit different cities or countries even! It’s all right there! You don’t even have to go to space to see Earth! Texas is so out of this world it even has its own Earth located right in the panhandle. Bet you can’t say that, Nebraska.
As all good true Texans should, I have a very deep and reverent love of Mexican food.
You think you know Mexican food? You ain’t got no idea, man. Once I moved here I heard all about this wonderful “Mexican food” place called La Mesa. First, the table? What kind of zesty Mexican restaurant, name is that? Is that the world of creativity we live in Nebraska? After stuffing myself at this supposed wonderful Mexican food restaurant. I was mildly upset with the lack of spice and seasoning. I was hoping for tear running and nose sniffling kind of spice. Not only was it bland, everything was covered in an artery-clogging layer of plastic cheese. What kind of disrespect is that?
Not only does Texas have it all, geographically it has it all too. We have a coast with a lovely beach, where there is nothing but good vibes. With many beautiful, people a plenty. Or if you’re a weirdo and don’t appreciate the wonderfulness that is beaches, you can visit the rocky mountains of El Paso in West Texas, where you’re free to rock climb and possibly fall to your death. You know if you’re into that kind of thing. Or if that doesn’t sound pleasing to you either, you can settle for the boring dust and trees of the central Texas plains. (pst. kind of like Nebraska). How many states have three different geographical locations?!
As you can see, Texas just has it all. When you go visit, you too can become as an annoying about it. You’ll get it. I promise.