Finally ‘confident to be me’

Reflection by JasmineButtler

Whenever I told someone I met that I went to Marian, an all girls school, they always had questions about what my experience was like.Buttler Jasmine Buttler“Is it weird to not have boys there?”

“Isn’t there a ton of drama?”

And during my first three years at Marian, I always responded with the same phrases, “It’s actually not that bad” and “You get used to it after a while.”

 At the time, I didn’t understand why people were so confused about how Marian runs and the students who go there; we were just like every other high school. We had pep rallies, dances, essays and even vaping assemblies; nothing was different about us. 

Sure, maybe we didn’t have boys all around us the whole school day and we have rules about what types of socks and sweatshirts we can wear, but Marian gave us a lot more than we thought. 

Marian Moms lunches, Surprise Day, Field Day and Masses are just some of the few traditions at Marian that I took for granted. Going to school every day and having the same routine made me pass through every second of every day, wishing for the final bell so I could finally go home. 

Looking back on my first three years at Marian, not every year has been a positive experience for me. At times, I felt alone, isolated and insecure about showing who I really was. Because I felt like no one understood or even cared to know me, I kept all of those negative emotions inside me, and forced a fake smile or laugh in the hallways. 

My senior year has completely changed my perspective about how others see me, how I see myself, and who I want to become in the years to come. Being known as the quiet girl all throughout grade school made me feel insecure about my personality, and I believed that I needed to change who I’ve always been to “fit in.” I realized that I need to embrace my authentic self, because the things that make us stand out from the crowd end up being our biggest strengths. I’ve grown more than I thought I ever could. Letting go of expectations of who I’m supposed to be has made me into someone who I always dreamed of becoming. 

I never thought that I would ever miss walking up soph lot every day or walking up the middle staircase during a passing period. I’ve had so many lasts, and I never got the chance to truly say goodbye. 

During this last semester of high school, it’s easy to wish for the end, I did, even during my freshman year! But what I didn’t realize was how hard it was going to be to leave a place where I finally felt like I belonged. 

To everyone who still has a chance to experience the Marian community, never take any person you encounter and any experience that’s given to you for granted. The people you thought you could never be friends with can have the biggest impact on your life.

Open your hearts and minds, and always remember to be grateful for every day, good or bad, at Marian; because four years is just a second of your whole lifetime, and you never know when that time will end.

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