The Boston Bruins are B-ruining my life

Everyone can relate to life lessons learned through hockey

Opinion by J1 Reporter Isabelle Swanson

IsabelleSwanson Column

Isa-bout-to-Get-Real With Isabelle Swanson

As the Boston Bruins have gotten off to a yet another less-than-stellar start to a hockey season, I find myself wondering, “Why do I keep watching this stupid team?”

Why subject myself to the torture of spending two hours of my precious time watching a lackluster performance and ultimately a loss? It’s definitely not for instant gratification.

In the time it takes me to watch a hockey game, I could watch a movie that’s guaranteed to have a happy ending, but what’s the fun in that? Movies end, and when you walk out of a theater, your experience is over. You can talk about that movie for maybe another week or two but eventually, your friends will pull you aside and say that they agree that that was a great movie, but if you mention “Pitch Perfect” one more time, they are going to lose our minds.

When you walk out of a hockey arena, or any sports complex for that matter, you have an experience that will last a lifetime. My grandpa’s first hockey game is similar to my own. Spending an outrageous amount of money on a shirt jersey, or a “shirtsey,” if you will, is an investment. You’re wearing tradition. You’re wearing a favorite player’s last name on your back and every time your favorite player scores a goal, you get to yell just a little bit louder because he’s your favorite and your mom can’t have a problem with it because you could be obsessed with worse things. You could be obsessed with more dangerous things than stats, but if you ask me, the Bruins’ numbers while on a powerplay are pretty killer, am I right?

The unpredictable nature of sports keep me coming back for more. Every night there is a chance that the Bruins will turn their season around and maybe, if he eats his Wheaties, the goalie could STOP A PUCK – PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

8 life lessons I’ve learned from watching hockey:

1. Be nice to your goalie. There are people in your life who are your last line of defense. No matter how bad things get, they’ll be there for you with a sick glove save. Treat them well.

2. Dreams do come true. Imagine a little rugrat playing a game of pond hockey with his friends before his mother calls him in for dinner. That’s basically the background story of anyone who has ever won the Stanley Cup.

3. Even adults need to be put in timeout sometimes. Sometimes, people mess up. This includes hockey players. Punch someone in the face? That’s 5 minutes for fighting. Go think about what you did.

4. Sometimes, you have to hit the “mute” button. Announcers aren’t always as neutral as they should be. Don’t listen to people in your life who are only there to tell you what you’re doing wrong.

5. When in doubt, don’t say it. This goes for that thing you want to say to your friend when you’re angry, and the “x” at the end of every French-Canadian hockey player’s last name. Claude Giroux is indeed pronounced “Claude Giroo.”

6. It’s ok to be proud. Wear your themed pajama pants with pride. Drink coffee out of your themed mug. Taste that? That’s called victory. It’s not your fault you’re a fan of the coolest team on ice. Anyone who has a problem with that is probably a Montreal Canadien’s fan, and you don’t care what they think anyway.

7. It’s always about more. That hockey player didn’t just punch that guy in the face for no reason. He did it because that guy was messing with the rookie. Your mom didn’t yell at you because you didn’t clean your room. She yelled at you because she’s pretty sure that 6-month-old pile of laundry just moved. That’s gross. Figure your life out, man.

8. No matter what, it will all be ok. At the end of the day, it is just a game. All the players leave the rink. Everything needs to stay in perspective.

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