I’m the grinch of Halloween. There, I said the unspeakable. In five words, I’ve disrespected one of America’s most beloved holidays and made roughly 92 percent of you want to banish me into a corn maze or something.
If I could pick one experience to sum up how I feel about Halloween, it would probably be the haunted house trip I took with some friends in seventh grade.
I decided I was going to try to act like I wasn’t scared and had done a pretty good job of it.
Once we stepped outside afterwards, I thought I was in the clear until a chainsaw roared to life behind me, and I let out a scream that rivals the “I Knew You Were Trouble” goat.
Couple this with the white mask the man was wearing, and I was already in a dead Usain Bolt-like sprint towards the safety of my friend’s mom.
My main issue with this holiday mostly comes from the fact that Halloween is the most overrated holiday on the face of this planet.
I’m just as in love with the season of fall as most teenage girls. However, the minute the clock strikes 12 a.m on Aug. 1st, my Twitter timeline is flooded with anticipation for Halloween, and these tweets continue to taint the entire season for me.
I just don’t get having a day dedicated to scaring people. Everyone knows someone is going to try and scare them on Halloween; what’s the point? I’m extremely creatively challenged when it comes to pumpkin carving (and anyone who isn’t is obviously born a witch). Most costumes are overdone and a waste of money (although there are a few exceptions to this.) And do not even get me started on the atrocity that is candy corn. That is straight up crayon wax, and I refuse to believe otherwise.
My definition of the word “scary” has since shifted from grown men chasing me with a chainsaw to adults asking me about college plans. I’m not “anti-festive” — talk to me around the 4th of July and you’ll see that is anything but the case. It’s not that I “don’t know how to have fun”. I don’t think I’m “too cool” for Halloween. I just know an obnoxiously overrated holiday when I see one.
So on Oct. 31, catch me sticking to my usual routine and
pretending to hand out candy at home while I eat every last Twix in the bowl.
Check out the opposing viewpoint here: