MoiraHarr

After a happy engagement, there are a million things to plan and thousands of questions raised. Up until recently, one question was rarely asked for most women: “Should I keep my last name?” 

While there are numerous small factors to consider about a last name, such as where in the alphabet it is placed, difficulty of pronunciation or even how “cool” it might sound, a person’s last name often carries a sentimental value, connection to family and ties to a line of work.

 A reason that many women opt to keep their maiden name is because they have already made a name for themselves using their maiden name. 

Women like Frances Perkins, the first woman appointed to a U.S. Cabinet position, and Drew Barrymore, an iconic actress, both decided to keep their maiden name after marriage to keep their professional career easily tied to their identity and separate from their marriage.

This reasoning does not only apply to celebrities, but to working women everywhere.

Former Marian Spanish teacher Ms. Caitlin Gaule, who opted to keep her surname said that her career affected her decision to keep her name. “I had taught for 12 years by the time I got married, so in some sense it did feel like an identity that I had and wanted to keep,” Gaule said.

For Marian teacher Mrs. Megan Gillespie, formerly known as Ms. Piernicky, keeping the Piernicky name was a real consideration. “It was a name that I had started my professional career with. I had decades of Marian students who knew me under one name…Gillespie meant nothing to them,” Gillespie said. 

However, the name change was convenient for Gillespie in some ways, mainly that there would no longer be two teachers with the last name Piernicky in the building. “There was so much confusion between me and [math teacher] Mrs. [Jaime] Piernicky. We would get each other’s emails. Parents would stand in the wrong line at parent-teacher conferences,” Gillespie said.

Surnames often hold heavy sentimental value due to family businesses, ancestry, uniqueness, and the connection between sharing a name with those one grows up with.

People often tie a part of their identity to their last name, as for most it is something they have carried with them for their whole life. 

“Names can hold a lot of identity and meaning, and I always liked my last name since it felt unique, special and a part of my heritage. Family is very important to me, and I often think of all of the maternal names in my one age that got lost over time,” Gaule said.

Granted, changing a surname does not erase history or identity. “I don’t feel any less connected to my maiden name now than I did before…I’m still as much a Piernicky today as I was when I was born and I will wear that name proudly for the rest of my life,” Gillespie said. 

However, for those wanting the best of both worlds, hyphenation is an option. Surprisingly, a huge barrier for those wanting to hyphenate their last name, or even merely change their name, is the paperwork.

If one is legally changing their name, all documentation must reflect the change, including licenses and social security cards. This process is lengthy and often frustrating. It also means that any signature on a document must have that full legal name, and hyphenated names are usually much longer.

Gaule noted that not having to do the legal paperwork to change her name was a notable plus to her decision.

Traditionally, the woman takes the surname of her husband when tying the knot. This longstanding tradition puts an immense amount of societal pressure on women considering keeping their maiden name. 

Conversely, it also puts judgement and pressure on men considering changing their last name. Theology teacher Mr. Kory Delkamiller recalls that when discussing with his wife about changing his last name, he felt that societal pressure.

 “The biggest thing was ‘what are my parents going to think?’ That was a big deal because I’m the only son, and so for them, that meant the end of this particular Miller lineage. It was also more my ego, ‘what will my friends think’, because this was 30 some years ago…and then if I don’t do anything, ‘what will my wife think?’” Delkamiller said. 

Delkamiller has a unique experience on changing his name: he and his wife made the decision to combine their last names, Delka and Miller, creating a new name altogether. “We’re making our own [legacy] and I like that. We’re shaping and forming our own family,” Delkamiller said. 

The act of sharing a last name and creating a new union and family feels deeply meaningful for many married couples.

For Rabon, that shared name symbolizes becoming one. Rabon had a meaningful experience while reflecting on a scripture verse about the union of marriage. This reflection and prayer was a key moment in her decision to take her husband’s name. 

 For Delkamiller, the combination and creation of a new last name emphasizes the partnership of his marriage.

For Gillespie, it represents the life and person that she chose. 

For Gaule, the decision to keep her name represents the person she has always been. “I grew up, went to school, started a career, traveled the world, met the love of my life and more with this name, so it holds a special place for me. My name has been with me through both beautiful and challenging times, and is who I am— at least for now,” Gaule said.

Delkamiller offers advice to everyone, but specifically females who face that societal expectation to change their name, that “if it is important to you, have the conversation. Don’t just brush it off.”

Gaule recognizes that she is not obligated to keep or change her name, even now. “The beauty is that I can always have the freedom to change, hyphenate, or continue with my current name. The decision should feel right for you, and can change with time,” Gaule said.

Gillespie recognizes that it “silly to judge” anyone for their choice to change their name or not to change their name. Some final words from Gillespie: “Most importantly, it’s a personal choice.”